Diving Lessons

Diving Lessons: DM'ming 101

Disclaimer What's up folks, I hope each and every one of you had a good weekend. Now that #DHOE is over for all my UNC followers, I must first tell you about the transition of the seasons. Last time I discussed cuffing season, now it is time for the Autumn Harvest phase. All that hard work you did planting various seeds via instagram comments, impromptu swipes into the Lenoir and random interactions on the P2P after hours will finally begin to pay off. As the weather cools, folk aren't gonna want to go out. Chicks will show up to the club with a full body suit and combat boots if they do go, however I'm not trying to get a twerk from G.I. Jane so I'll pass. Instead now you must use your wits in order to solidify the deal that you were originally working on. Maybe it's a casual date out in the autumn colored arboretum, or it could be you inviting them over to watch the last season of Breaking Bad or the new episode of Scandal on Thursdays. Either way, it's time to switch your approach.

One of the greatest recreational activities on this planet is scuba diving. You jump off a boat or pier and begin to explore the ocean waters, full of fish piss and dead things. What could be better? But before you just dive into the unknown you have to prepare. You survey the scene, check the equipment and then finally take lessons in the community pool before you actually go on your journey. If one of these areas is lacking then it can cost you your life or at least a percentage of it. Now to my black friends, I know y'all aren't diving in any ocean anytime soon. Hell, I'd be a miracle to find some of you in a hot tub; seriously when did we become so afraid of water? Just ponder that for a second. Either way instead of diving into the Atlantic ocean, we've found new uncharted territory to investigate, this area is found on twitter, and it's called the Direct Message tab.

Direct Messaging or "DM'ming" in layman's terms is a phenomenon that has swept the nation in a matter of months, sure DM's always existed but for some reason they have become more popular with time like Juicy J. A direct message is a simple 140 tweet that is passed from one person to the next, it's essentially AIM with character restrictions. And yall know how much AIM used to pop, you'd come home after school, watch some Rap City Tha Basement, hop on your computer and start messaging all your friends. Screen names like "nappyfroboy24" and "xxkissmycheeks" would pop up all over your screen. But enough of this nostalgia, today I'm here to teach you folks the proper way to DM. Everybody get's a little excited when they see that there is a message in their inbox (or maybe that's just me), half the time however its people's hacked profiles sending you bullshit ads. Seriously, how the hell does the Internet get ahold of your passwords...oh wait maybe it has something to do with your subscription to the Daily Horoscope shit...Recently DM's have opened up to the entire twitter community, one no longer needs to follow you to be able to send a message. Imagine who will wind up in your inbox now. 

Self-confidence is on it's death bed. What we carry around is a false representation of it. Nobody is really bold enough to speak their opinions in public and those who pride themselves on being real are the ones who don't have a clue who they are but besides that. Our self confidence has now been replaced with Internet confidence, twitter thugs whattup! But this internet confidence is a very real thing that many of us have subconsciously adopted. It's damn near necessary for our social interactions on a world wide scale.

So...what does it take to send the proper DM? 3 simple steps.

Survey The Scene: 

Maybe this is why we don't swim?

You have to scope out the twitter profile. It all starts with their handle and profile picture. Depending on how much skin is shown, how many filters have been used and what position their body is in will determine if this is an appropriate spot to start. Next thing you need to look for is their bio's;  if you see anything that may resemble a significant other then abort your dive. If theres an t-wifey or hubby with an @sign to a person then go ahead and log off. Also please if you see #TEAM(Insert) then enter at your own risk. One #Team is questionable, any more than that and you should probably abort mission as well. With this new twitter it's okay to snoop a bit without being a creeper since it's totally open now, look at the last few tweets, hit the favorites page for a second and even check out some of the tweeted pictures to get the full representation of a person. After you have adequately surveyed the profile page, it's time to move to the next step...

Check The Equipment: 

Now it's time to look at your own page. When you send that first message, that person is definitely going to look at your page just like you did their so it's key to keep that shit tight. Pick your coolest avatar picture and spice up your background. Use something that compliments your style, I highly suggest avoiding using your own face or image in the background unless it's some dope or meaningful image. Clean up your previous tweets (if you want) if you have been publicly scheming on other folk on social media. Either way after you finish checking your profile you should be feeling something like Grandad off the boondocks when he had his new shoes. Make sure the bio is either vague or detailed as fuck, no middle grounds here people. And don't place something whack as your location, like in your girls bed, it kills the game.

Headfirst: 

Pocahontas: The Original Diver

Finally you have arrived, you've got the balls to type your heart/scheme out in 140 characters so what do you do? "what up"....Fuck no. You better sell this shit. You have only 140 characters which equates to about 30-50 words max so you have to come hard. Blast through that door and show em what the deal is. There is no beating around the bush here folks, it's time to pull out that internet confidence we mentioned earlier. Don't place some funny shit like "Slipped and fell into your DM's" Or "Just combined the five elements and captain planet'ed into your inbox..." You look like a damn fool. Be up front and realistic and state your intentions, chances are you'll get rejected depending on what your intentions are but hey at least you tried right? Only about 15-30% of DM dives are successful. Choose wisely.


In closing DM'ming will eventually replace older forms of communication. Our generation is slowly shifting away from personal contact to pixelated connections. It's a shame, sooner or later we're going to find ways to have sex via the Internet (not web cams, like legit sex) and then a whole nother aspect of human life will die. Although I wrote this about DM's I strongly am against them simply because it's creepy in my opinion, unless it's an old friend or you guys are catching up. Once upon a time in my ratchet Southeast Raleigh days I would have easily jumped into the DM's like Mario going down green pipes (because everybody knows in every Super Mario game you mash the down button to see if this pipe will take you somewhere...you do this to every pipe but only one or two will let you in) but now I am just impartial. I'm not one to judge so do you boo, and remember the three steps. Survey, Equip Check & Headfirst. 

until next time friends...

~white rabbit.